December 24, 2011

Christmas Eve

This year Christmas was celebrated on Christmas Eve and on Christmas Day, there was so much to do with so little time! I woke up to having this wonderful comp. package delivered by Sugarlips Apparel, containing a beautiful leather trimmed black cardigan. We had all the kids over to make ginger bread houses, feasted and ended up opening presents around the Christmas tree.

December 16, 2011

Starting and ending my Friday right!

 

Started off my Friday morning with having take out Dim Sum at Khoa's house. Ended up working dinner shift and contemplated going to a frat party in Downtown San Jose. Even through the exhaustion I ended up going anyways. The house was packed and was really interesting, it had an eerie yet welcoming vibe to it. Downstairs was House/Electro music and upstairs was the bar and Top 40/Hip-Hop. Let's just say I stayed downstairs for most of the night. It was pretty eventful, from feeling the floor literally shake beneath my feet, someone puking on the speakers, finding a Krispy Kreme in my hand and finding the car I rode in ticket free while the car right behind us was fined. 

That's what I call a fun day!


December 14, 2011

Last final of the quarter

Good bye, to the worst instructor I've ever had in school. Good bye, dreaded 7 A.M. Chemistry class. Good bye, to having to get to school this dark and parking in the lot forever alone.

December 7, 2011

Good-bye.

Growing up, there's always going to be sacrifices you're going to have to make. From things you held important to you once before, might have to be something you let go in order to live a more comfortable life- if not is necessary to move on.


Every day I feel an internal struggle, nights do not always promise sleep, sweet dreams aren't always sweet and new days don't always mean fresh starts. I feel as if this constant annoyance is reminding me of all the things I intended to change in my life, but have failed to do so. From finally accepting myself for who I am, self- love and finding a balance in life ... the ways of life seem to have kept me away from achieving these things by distracting me with other events, that I may or may not have handled so well. I'm pretty sure the amount of medication I'm taking right now is just tacking onto the stress with all it's side effects as well, it scares me.



It honestly feels like, no one understands what I'm going through and that no one can help me but myself. 

November 30, 2011

Winter Woes

I honestly feel like I'm going through some weird quarter life, identity crisis or something. There's something quite unsettling about how my life is at the moment.

I really can't put my finger on how I feel, it's a mixture of nostalgia to becoming confused as to who I really am. Identity crisis much?

My soul feels sad. I think that statement pretty much sums up how I feel. About nothing specifically, just generally sad.

November 28, 2011

Boys Noize at the Mezzanine | San Francisco, California

Boys Noize at the Mezzanine for my 21st birthday, what a way to submerge myself into the not so glamorous life of a 21 year old. The event was indeed 21+ and was definitely a different perspective on going to events I'm used to going to. I was kinda iffy since I've never been to a 21+ event, though I have been at the 21+ VIP area before at Ruby Skye. The crowd was different and pretty interesting, not expecting such a crowd to listen to Boys Noize. The venue was spacious, but of course nothing short of sweaty, interpretive dancing, large men and women going buck wild. 

Let's just say, I started the night off ordering my first drink: an AMF followed by a Redbull Vodka and lots of drunk sloppiness and fun ensued.


November 26, 2011

Black Friday Pick Ups

H&M Velvet Mesh Dress, Striped Dress, Knit Beanie, Knit Sweater, Cowl Scarves in Black and Biege
Hellz Bellz Crewneck & Asymmetrical Drapey Black Cardigan

Just a few things I picked up on Black Friday! Notice a theme?

November 21, 2011

thanksgiving week

This week needs to go by quicker. I'm looking forward to all the good eats, family time and friend time I'm expecting this week. It'll also be my 21st birthday weekend, which hasn't really been something I can look forward too since I'm still recovering from a recent kidney infection.

I don't know what it is about this month, but it's leaving me with a cloud over my head. Perhaps it's the gloomy and cold weather? I usually love the cold days, I guess I'm just realizing how different things have been since last year. My closest friends away from home and my family breaking yearly traditions to have more convenient plans this year. Change is difficult to bare with.

I wish I had more control in my life, everything seems so unorganized and unexpected it's making me feel uneasy. It's chaotic but not at the same time. I tend to say the last statement a lot at work. It's a strange feeling to feel stressed, when it shouldn't really be.

This rant is as unorganized as my thoughts are, I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

November 9, 2011

Tired and uninspired

Tired, uninspired, and insecure. Three words, that have been constant themes in my life lately.

Sleep doesn't come easily anymore and proves to be more and more of a necessity than before. I go to bed and before I know it, it's time to be up. Life at the moment just seems to be so constant, it lacks downtime from what I remember and even my goals seem so distant. I don't want to confess that I may have started to give up because I don't plan on doing so, but just might be the case right now. I have the reoccurring feeling of insecurity for the oddest reason, leaving me more sleepless at night and more lost in thought in confusion as to why I'm feeling this way.

This is uncertainty might be due to stress, maybe it's just me realizing that life is passing me by or maybe it's just from the past years of repetitive disappointment that lingers around forewarning me to expect the worst. It's days like today, that leave me restless and confused as to what I exactly need.

October 31, 2011

Escape From Wonderland | Irvine, California

My first SoCal massive and it was definitely one of the best events I've ever been to. No words can explain how much fun Escape was; from the talents, bonding with friends, friendly crowd and large venue. This event definitely made me excited for future events and made me miss being in Irvine, but on the brighter side it's left me with good feelings. I haven't been this happy in a while. 
Until next time SoCal! 


we own the night

Is it alright if I'm with you for the night?Hope you don't mind, if you stay by my sideWe can drive in your car somewhere into the dark,Pull over and watch the starsWe can dance, we can sing, do whatever you thinkAs long as I'm with you
When we are together is the time of our livesWe can do whatever, be whoever we likeSpend the weekend dancing, 'cause we sleep when we dieDon't have to worry 'bout nothingWe own the night

October 18, 2011

Starting to get the hang of things

I'm finally getting back into school girl mode, it was about time! Now that I got a feel for how all my classes are like, it's all a matter of time management. I'm motivated to transfer out and move to SF, my goals are still a long way a way but as long as I'm getting there in baby steps I'll be happy.

Motivation seems to be a reoccurring theme this week, from school to even wellness. I feel like I'm going through my improve wellness phase. Decided to eat healthier (i.e. cutting out soda), exercising again and allowing myself some good quality rest when possible from now on. I ran for the first time today and to be quite honest it was rough, but with a little regularity and drive I'll be back to where I wanna be. My goals to  do intervals of ab and leg work outs and cardio three times a week. Probably not on the days I have work, my schedule would be too cramped.

So here's to motivation and to those who help you want to be a better person in more ways than one.

HYPNOTIZED

October 16, 2011

Weddings are always entertaining

The family and I headed to Oakland to attend my dad's best man's wedding dinner reception. From people watching with my brother, making fun of drunk people, eating delicious food and drinking red wine with my mother it was an event that made this week a little more brighter. The wedding was also touching, weddings are so ... interestingly fun.


October 10, 2011

Old friend, why you so shy?


Raining

It's already the start of the third week of school and I'm still not getting back into rhythm, it feels so strange. I still feel so behind in terms of school and for some reason life experiences. I am in dire need of living and getting away. I'm pushing myself to be more driven in school and mentally I'm all for it, but physically it's not working out so well. I don't know if it's laziness, the fact that I sleep less than 5 hours every night or working on the weekends with difficult customers that's got to me.

I keep catching myself wanting to do more, even though I feel like I'm busy enough ... I honestly don't think I am. This constant need to do bigger and better things is not helping me sleep at night, might I add. There's so many goals and aspirations I wish to reach, but at this point it all seems so distant. With this being said, I still feel so behind being at the age I am and I wish I could've done more in my life than I have so far.

My life right now seems really strange, it almost feels unreal like I've lost touch with reality for a while and reality is starting to come down on me like bricks.

September 30, 2011

The start of a new season

The start of the new quarter and my body combating a flu is definitely a clear message Fall is near.

This quarter has definitely been a rough start, since I decided to end the summer with a bang (that I do not regret). Waking up at 6 A.M. is definitely the earliest I've woken up for class since high school, along with fighting through traffic; with a fever, hot flashes, cold chills and body aches. It's been pretty hellish, but I'm still pushing through. This quarter by far has probably been my most expensive and probably more difficult than my past quarters, but I'm ready to buckle down and do work.

Since school started I've been pretty much been stuck with my head in the clouds, usually spacing out, not really sure what to think. I feel like things are really good right now, but for some reason I sense a bit of panic. I guess I'm trying to go with the flow and trying to embrace how good things are right now. I suppose I'm being kind of pessimistic, even though I'm trying to forget about past patterns and trying to change that kind of negative mind set. There's something really promising about the kind of relationship I'm in at the moment though, because for the first time I don't think I've really been this honest or truly myself around someone I've actually liked- excluding my best girl friends.

Fall 2011, come at me.

September 21, 2011

Seabright Beach | Santa Cruz, Ca


 KN and I decided to beat the heat and headed to Santa Cruz for burgers and ideally an even tan. As with coastal weather, it decided to throw fog in our faces and play us hot 'n' cold (literally). 

We ate at Betty Burgers and it was delicious! Five Guys, who? I even finished my burger, even though I wasn't exactly hungry. That says a lot! Then after our meal, we headed to Seabright Beach away from the touristy traps and typically more garbage ridden shores. The beach was barely occupied with only a few groups here and there, just enough to go people watching. After being caught laughing at our single- serving beach neighbors and sinking into the sand. My day away came to an end, after getting Slurpee's ... obviously!

:-)

September 17, 2011

sink me in the river at dawn

As busy as I am with work, it's funny how I still feel like I'm being unproductive and a lingering feeling of void still exists.

Looking back at my past blogs, if there's one thing I've noticed it's been the same pattern every summer. A pattern of heart broken relationships, self destructive behavior and self renewal. It's around this time when I get that funny feeling, a feeling of anticipation to prepare myself for the worst. It's sad to acknowledge that I've let this pattern occur for the past couple of years with just empty intentions of changing my own life.

I feel like it's about time to stray away from this pattern and just buckle down.
"Sometimes you’ve got to let everything go – purge yourself. If you are unhappy with anything … whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you’ll find that when you’re free, your true creativity, your true self comes out."  -Tina Turner
                                                                                              

September 13, 2011

Grilled cheese, banana slices & Barlett pear wedges

Hope everyone is having a great afternoon thus far :-)

August 2, 2011

The end of Summer quarter is near!

Summer session is almost over and just in time too! The month of August seems to be have a lot of events lined up for me; an old friend's wedding reception, my niece's christening, and more late nights out with my friends. I can't wait until the end of this week, until I am free to spend my days out in the warm weather and/or at work- which I'm not complaining about.

I'm actually surprised at how fast this year has gone by and how much has changed thus far. I've learned to accept change and welcome it into my life instead of be scared of what the future might hold. There's still so much for me to explore, time to grow and discover what makes me happy. 

It's been a pretty hectic and stressful few months, but I can honestly say I haven't felt this at ease and content in a while. 

The Secret of the Law of Attraction has also helped keep me sane. 
Like attracts like. Ask the universe and you shall recieve :-)

July 17, 2011

Summer Time

It's the simple things you do in the Summer, that makes it that much memorable. I don't think I've had this much fun in awhile and it feels nice in contrast to my hectic, stressful Summer session and work schedule. Summer 2011, thank you for a pleasant experience thus far.

July 15, 2011

The magic has finally come to an end, it's weird knowing there will be no more Harry Potter movies. Though I cannot say I have read all the books, I remember them being popular from grade school and enjoyed all the movies I did see. Some people don't really understand the fascination, but I think this quote by Stephen King summarizes it perfectly:

Harry Potter is all about confronting fears, finding inner strength, and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend.


The last movie was just right, it's all what King has stated with lots of meme worthy moments that made the whole cinema laughed. The Harry Potter series truly has a significant impact, I'm sad to see it all come to a close.

Exhausted


School and work is starting to take a toll on me. Hello sleepless nights.

Transitioning

With the Xanga era long gone, the lack of intimacy I shared with Tumblr and inactive posting on Wordpress I've found myself here. Hopefully, I can pick up from the previous sites and thoroughly represent my thoughts, daily ramblings and finds here. 

With that being said, goodnight and hello sleep for tomorrow I awake for HP7.